My name is Lindsay…not Lindsey, or Lyndsey, or even Lynzy (although I have used that spelling all over the place online)…but L I N D S A Y. I’m used to it being misspelled! It doesn’t bother me, much! What does annoy me is when I email someone, and I used my name in the email, and my email address contains my name, and the person replies back to me and uses the wrong spelling. The correct spelling is right there?!?
Enough whining about my name! If you have found your way here, I imagine that you have come across me online on another platform (Instagram perhaps?), and as such know a bit about me. Here are some titbits anyway!
I love Star Trek, cheese, comic book movies, making necklaces, drawing and painting, listening to music, food in general, some sci-fi other than Star Trek, Steven Universe, The Owl House, Animal Crossing, tea, and filling my home with joy and laughter (…and songs; all the songs!).
I probably put tea in the wrong place on that list. I have a huge love of tea. My household currently houses over 100 different types of tea…and we have a list that we like to keep up to date with brewing instructions!
According to those around me, my superpower is the ability to make all things sound dirty, but inadvertently so! I am also really good with young kids; I somehow manage to just connect with them. These two superpowers naturally NEVER mix!
I am bisexual and polyamorous; currently ‘taken’ 3 times over and ‘polysaturated’ (in other words, I have reached my partner limit). I live with my husband Michael, non binary partner Megan, and our 4 cats; Jenni-fur (Jenny), Lord Barrington Esquire (Barrington), Sir Douglas T Katt (Douggie), and, err, Bonnie (just Bonnie)! We recently moved from near Durham to Hartlepool to be closer to my boyfriend, Paul; a decision tragically driven due to his wife Mary being diagnosed with terminal cancer earlier this year. We lost her at the beginning of July, the same weekend we lost our pet bunny Gandalf of 9 years. 2022 has been a tough year, and between losing Mary and Gandalf, moving home and all the stress that comes with that, I’ve found myself struggling to keep my head above water. As of writing this, I’m just shy of 2 weeks away from seeing a new therapist, plodding along in the meantime.
I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t nice being closer to Paul; beforehand we were a 40-45 minute drive each way apart from one another. I just really wish it had happened under better circumstances.
Some more things about me! I consider myself an intersectional feminist, and to be given the title ‘SJW’ would be a badge of honour. Trans rights are human rights, Black Lives Matter, and sex work is real work. If feminism isn’t intersectional, is it even feminism? No, it’s not.
I am fat. Very fat. Learning to live and move through the world in a fat body has shaped so much of how I perceive people and the media we consume day in, day out. Fat politics, fat acceptance….these things matter to me. I sat that, but I do also want to lose weight, and in many ways that feels like a betrayal of body positive ideals. I’ve reached a point where I am just tired. It is hard navigating a world that isn’t designed for someone of my size. Is it right that society doesn’t accommodate for someone of my size, especially when more proof than ever exists confirming that a persons size is not as simple as just ‘they over ate so they are fat’? No, of course it’s not. Would I like to make my life easier by being smaller, if I can achieve some weight loss? Yes, I do. I’ll never be slim; I think to many folk, I will still be fat with a considerable number of kg/lbs off me. But a smaller version of me may struggle less in the world, and that would be good. ‘They’ can call me fat all they want, I don’t mind it; it is just a descriptor of my size, it doesn’t determine my worth.
I live with mental illness (not just because of how tough 2022 has been with losing Mary and moving home); I have had depression since my teens, and in the last decade, anxiety has come more to the forefront of my life. I am the survivor of childhood abuse and although I am not officially diagnosed, I am almost certain I have C-PTSD. I have written about events from 10 years ago which caused me to become estranged from my parents, which you can read on my old blog here. Over the last year or so, I have also researched and found myself increasingly convinced that I am neurodivergent with ADHD, which helps explain why no matter how much I want to use this blog, my ability to maintain a regular posting schedule is practically non-existent.
My paying job is mostly administration work…it used to include occasional travel but the coronavirus pandemic put paid to that. I have the fortune of working from home most of the time – have done for 13 years now! – which is a mixed blessing, but whenever I think about moving on and weigh up the pros and cons, there are always more pros…hence why I’ve done it for so long! There are considerable benefits that I don’t want to lose, when working for a company that employees thousands of folk all over the world.
I spend of lot of my life feeling lost and not knowing where to focus my energy and time; another thing I think I can attritbute jointly to C-PTSD and ADHD (it’s not the best combination!). I have vowed to myself to keep trying to find the hobbies, the interests that feels ‘right’ for me. Maybe one of these days, I will figure out what they are. Until then, all I can do is keep at it. Maybe, with some renewed energy and drive, I can use this blog to document my journey. And perhaps some tea drinking too; ‘lindsay likes tea’ after all!