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dear diary

Missed Ones

I want to start blogging again. Part of me wishes I didn’t look at it tonight however. As a part of the process, I reminded myself of what I had previously wrote on my ‘About’ page. There is a section where I talk about my polycule (read here if you don’t know the lingo) and my pets. My polycule is the same (3 partners, 1 metamour – go me?) but our pets? We have gone from having 6 in July 2019, to 3 right now (January 2020).

We lost our hamster Lorgar to age in July, and then our new hamster Argel Tal in October. In November my cat Sweep was diagnosed with cancer and went downhill very quickly until we took her to the vets to have her put to sleep (she had completely stopped eating bless her, couldn’t even tempt her with egg or cheese), and in December, our boy Cookie suddenly had a fit and died a few minutes later. Cookie and Argels’s deaths were the most surprising and devastating; Argel was only 4 months old. Cookie was 16 years old which is not exactly young for a cat, but he was healthy and fit, so his passing was quite a shock. Sweep’s passing hurts me greatly, but as she was 18 and had been going downhill for a while before her diagnosis, it was at least not unexpected.

(Pictured above, L-R: Argel Tal, Cookie, Lorgar, and Sweep)

Our remaining pets are of course wonderful, but Cookie in particular was such a big presence in our house. They are all missed terribly. I’m heart sore. I think we all are. Megan is especially missing Cookie, he was her cat and companion, and her anxiety has gone up significantly since we said goodbye to him.

If I could bring them all back I would. But that’s naturally not how life works. We may have to move home this year…as a result we aren’t making a decision on whether or not to get another cat for a couple of months at least. It would unfair to bring a new cat into this home to have to move them just a month or two afterwards. I think getting another one would do us all in my house some good; help fill the void that has been left behind. Once we know what is happening tenancy wise, we can make the call.

Losing a pet can be hard. They form strong ties with us and seep into our lives, sometimes without us even realising. It’s often not until they are gone that we realise just how much space around us they took up and how greatly they filled our lives with love.

I miss my babies. I wish I could just touch them one more time. I know I can’t, but I just wish.

By Lindsay

She/Her / Feminist Killjoy / Board Gamer / Hufflepuff 🖤💛 / Fat Babe / Polyam / TNG is the best Trek

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