bad poetry create

Just Wait A Second


thoughts in free fall

Reason dissipating

Until I’m left on the outside

looking in

Watching myself not think

As the words flow forth

From my mouth

(Or my fingertips

It does not matter which)

I scrabble to catch them but they


Drifting away from me to you

Before I can touch them

And now it doesn’t matter

The damage

Is done

Tumbling, more

thoughts in free fall

Reason seeping through the cracks of the floor

And I


Questioning for the hundredth time why I keep doing this

Questioning for the hundredth time if this will be the final straw

Wondering why I





dear diary

Missed Ones

I want to start blogging again. Part of me wishes I didn’t look at it tonight however. As a part of the process, I reminded myself of what I had previously wrote on my ‘About’ page. There is a section where I talk about my polycule (read here if you don’t know the lingo) and my pets. My polycule is the same (3 partners, 1 metamour – go me?) but our pets? We have gone from having 6 in July 2019, to 3 right now (January 2020).

We lost our hamster Lorgar to age in July, and then our new hamster Argel Tal in October. In November my cat Sweep was diagnosed with cancer and went downhill very quickly until we took her to the vets to have her put to sleep (she had completely stopped eating bless her, couldn’t even tempt her with egg or cheese), and in December, our boy Cookie suddenly had a fit and died a few minutes later. Cookie and Argels’s deaths were the most surprising and devastating; Argel was only 4 months old. Cookie was 16 years old which is not exactly young for a cat, but he was healthy and fit, so his passing was quite a shock. Sweep’s passing hurts me greatly, but as she was 18 and had been going downhill for a while before her diagnosis, it was at least not unexpected.

(Pictured above, L-R: Argel Tal, Cookie, Lorgar, and Sweep)

Our remaining pets are of course wonderful, but Cookie in particular was such a big presence in our house. They are all missed terribly. I’m heart sore. I think we all are. Megan is especially missing Cookie, he was her cat and companion, and her anxiety has gone up significantly since we said goodbye to him.

If I could bring them all back I would. But that’s naturally not how life works. We may have to move home this year…as a result we aren’t making a decision on whether or not to get another cat for a couple of months at least. It would unfair to bring a new cat into this home to have to move them just a month or two afterwards. I think getting another one would do us all in my house some good; help fill the void that has been left behind. Once we know what is happening tenancy wise, we can make the call.

Losing a pet can be hard. They form strong ties with us and seep into our lives, sometimes without us even realising. It’s often not until they are gone that we realise just how much space around us they took up and how greatly they filled our lives with love.

I miss my babies. I wish I could just touch them one more time. I know I can’t, but I just wish.

dear diary explore tabletop

A Dublin Adventure 2 – The Progress Progress*

I am writing this post midway through the third day of WorldCon, which is essentially the half way point of the convention, and more than half way into the trip as a whole (we arrived on Tuesday, it is currently Saturday and we leave Tuesday coming).

This trip has had its ups and downs, but is definitely weighted more in the favour of its ups. This post is an exercise in sharing some of those good and negative experiences.

Day One – We did get to Bewleys!

My last post was written while I was on the plane headed to Dublin. Upon landing, we made our way into the city centre, and made an immediate beeline for Bewleys Oriental Cafe. Situated on Grafton Street, one of the main shopping streets of Dublin, Bewley’s is a cafe and ‘cafe theatre’, not that Michael and I have ever experienced the theatre aspect ourselves.

We know from our previous times in Dublin that we love Bewley’s tea, and prior to this trip, we have been to the cafe on Grafton Street before. So it was a must visit for two reasons!

A lot of the anxiety I had felt it the run up to and during the flight over to Ireland melted around once we had actually landed, and familiar sights made themselves known. I think the destination of the trip being somewhere familiar as certainly helped keep the anxiety at bay, as has the fact that the country is majority English speaking (other than on the TV, I have only heard one Irish speaker so far!).

Bewley’s was, as expected, wonderful. So much so we went back on Day Two!

Day Two – The One Where We Chilled

Michael and I weren’t overly bothered about doing any major sightseeing; this was not out first trip to Dublin and we did the majority of the big sights on our first visit back in 2005. So on our ‘chill’ day between arriving and the start of WorldCon, we did exactly then; we chilled.

We did go across to the venue to get ourselves registered and therefore save a bit of time the next morning. It also allowed us to scope out the bus routes, and enjoy a walk along the river Liffey.

We walked around the city centre, Michael found the Games Workshop which made him very happy, and we had our first ever Supermacs. Curry cheese fries are a revelation, let me tell you!

Our day was rounded out by picking up some groceries, and clashing our diaries for the next few days, seeing what panels we would be doing together, and which ones we wouldn’t be.

Day Three, that is Con Day One!

My first day of WorldCon started off on the right foot. Michael and I arrived in time for Star Trek Yoga, which was challenging but rewarding. I had a couple more panels, and then a migraine hit. I quickly found the quiet room, and was there for the next three hours. At 5pm, Michael took me away from the con and back to our lodgings. Rest and sleep were what I needed.

I don’t know what set the migraine off, but it ruined my first day at the con. I enjoyed what I managed to do, but I closed the day out feeling frustrated and angry. And with no one to blame…which makes it even more frustrating again.

Day Four, a better con day!

Day four, yesterday, as a significantly better day than the one prior. I had the aftermath of the migraine from Thursday, but I could thinking clearly and see, so I could assimilate information again; huzzah!

Michael and I being silly on Day Two!

*** 21:19 Thursday 23rd January 2020!

Several months have passed since both WorldCon, and my last time looking at this blog. I had always meant to come back and finish this post, but clearly I did not!

I do not recall for the life of me why I called this post ‘the progress progress’, but I have left the title as I found it, purely for my own amusement.

WorldCon ended up being an amazing experience. I won’t go into a daily breakdown this long after the event. I will simply say that I went to many informative and enjoyable panels. I met some wonderful people, and Dublin was as lovely as I can remember it being on my previous visits.

The group I played D&D with one of the con days.
Jaq, who I now follow on Instagram and hope to meet again.
Michael and I get a selfie with Laser of The Doubleclicks after their concert!