dear diary mental health

A Dublin Adventure

Today is the start of an adventure that has been in my diary for at least 2 years. As soon as Michael (one of my partners…the one I’m married too! Check out the About page for a diagram of my polycule) heard that there was a possibility that WorldCon could be held in Dublin, Ireland, this year, it was put onto the Calendar.

WorldCon is the World Science Fiction Convention. It takes place every year at a different location. Michael attended ‘LonCon 3’, which was the WorldCon in 2014 and absolutely loved it (making Megan and I a little green with envy at all the fun he was having, truth be told!).

Originally, Michael, Megan and I were going to attend together, driving across to Dublin by taking the ferry from Liverpool. However Megan’s anxiety ‘got the better of her’, and she decided last year that she knew it was a trip she wasn’t going to be able to make. It saddened her, but she still wanted Michael and I to forge ahead and make the trip. So our plan changed. We switched from car and ferry, to flying over to Dublin with Ryanair (chosen for price, not service I assure you!). Our plan to stay in a hotel room changed to a hostel, which then changed to student accommodation (which is leased out to tourists during the summer) after the hostel we had booked closed! So there’s been some stress along the way, but we are finally here and on our way.

Only…I’m finding it hard to be excited and it’s killing me inside. Over the last few weeks, my own anxiety has been on the rise and it has peaked over the last week or so. I like flying…in fact I love flying. I have flown solo plenty of times in my life, both for personal and work reasons. So why today, even with Michael with me (a person who has been part of my life for the best part of 18 years and I trust with my soul) is it bothering me so much? Why today, am I writing this to distract myself rather than enjoying this experience like I usually do?

It’s very frustrating, and something I really hope I overcome once we land. I want to enjoy this trip, I really do!

Once we are in Dublin, we have today and tomorrow for sight seeing, and then the convention starts on Thursday. I am looking forward to seeing a couple of familiar faces and although it makes the knot in my stomach tighten, I do want I to make some new friends if I can. There are so many awesome panels on my list of ‘want to attends’ that I need to whittle down, as I have lots of overlap! And I am looking forward to finding out what exactly Star Trek Yoga is….even Michael is going to join in!

The act of writing this out has helped me a little bit. It’s helping me to see that I am actually looking forward to doing things at the convention.

I am also looking forward to a trip to Bewley’s on Grafton Street…it’s a must visit, correct? 😉


Visit to Rievaulx

Today I visited Rievaulx Abbey with Megan (one of my nesting partners) and her Mum. I find ruins of abbeys and cathedrals fascinating, and we went on a lovely day weather wise to explore the ruins and grounds. Here is a small selection of the pictures I snapped while looking around.

(Okay….so the last one, Megan took for me!)

Megan and Jane make fantastic companions for things like this; day’s out with them are fun and really make me smile. Which is good for times like now, when my anxiety is all over the place. As I write this, I have a tight knot in my stomach which did not exist during the day today. Getting into the fresh air with these amazing women lifts me up, helps me to engage and enjoy my surroundings. It’s not enough on its own to keep the anxiety I suffer at bay, but it certainly helps.

I will be writing more about anxiety and my current mental health landscape in a more in depth post.

Rievaulx is a place I am very happy to have visited. The English Heritage membership that Megan and I decided to take out a couple of weeks ago is not going to waste!

create mental health

Dipping my toes back into this blogging thing…

It possibly won’t last, but I’m going to try and ease myself back into blogging nice and slowly, starting with a small selection of arts and jewellery from the last few months.

One thing that emerged from the counselling sessions I have just came to the end of is that to continue healing, the use of art and writing can be very exploratory of self (which as a naturally creative person, I don’t quite understand why I’ve never linked using art as a means to help myself work through the trauma of the past…maybe I’ve just been too hindered by the emotional turmoil the connect the dots?), and can supplement and support a continued environment of recovery and, for me, acceptance, of what the past has meant for the present. I will probably write more about this as I continue my reading ‘post counselling’, on ACE’s (Advere Childhood Events), the role they play in shaping the people we ultimately become, and how we can look to recover after the fact.

For now however, here are the aforementioned promised pretty things! 😀